5 Mindbending Creepy Pastas

Posted on June 23, 2012

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The internet is a marvellous contraption, just chock full of wonders. Back when we were kids, we had to spread urban legends and ghost stories around a campfire, pointing a flashlight at our face and talking in a spooky voice. Those of us who were more organised would have someone jump out of the shadows at the end, laugh as everyone jumped, and then reassure everyone it’s just a story to try to prevent any damage to the sheets (the underwear by this point, was pretty much toast).

But these days, we have the ability to tell stories anonymously, without the reassurance that what you just read never happened. As far as you know, maybe it did? And that’s what makes these following entries so creepy. In the interest of not completely spoiling each of these, we’re going to avoid going into any major plot points. Just dim the lights, put on an adult diaper, and click the link…

The Russian Sleep Experiment

The premise is pretty creepy as is. The Russian Sleep Experiment is presented as a test that was conducted in the 1940’s by the Soviet Union, using an experimental gas to monitor the effects that sleep deprivation would have on a few subjects. This couldn’t possibly turn out bad, right?

Right. This pasta is presented more or less as a statement of fact, and knowing the 40’s era Soviet Union, we could totally see them doing something like this. Hell, we could see pretty much every 40’s era government ever doing something like this. Back then, everyone was looking to get a leg up on the competition, so gassing the hell out of a few people seems pretty low grade stuff compared to other things they could have been doing. Such as putting a cat into a box with a possibly hostile radioactive element, for example. Is the cat alive? Is it dead? For now, it’s both until you open the box. Oddly, no one ever considered the third option of a pissed off radioactive cat that has 8 more lives and the potential to hulk out.

“Hello, Dr. Smith. I certainly hope you had no plans of leaving.”

Needless to say, things go wrong. Bad wrong. You would think government scientists would learn. Instead, they seem to just find more inventive ways to make you decimate your undies.

Gateway of the Mind

This one is…unsettling. According to the Wiki, in 1983 some incredibly pious (stupid?) scientists wanted to test a theory. The theory was that if a person were to be cut off from all stimuli, they would eventually be able to make contact with God. We tried this exact experiment by avoiding the internet for a day. No sign of God, but we did learn to hate daytime television.

In any case, theoretically, if put into a state where there was no external stimuli, God would eventually show up and be all, “Sup?”. But, this is a creepy pasta. So, you can pretty much already tell that shit is about to go sideways. What makes this pasta creepy is that it plants a little seed of doubt in your mind that, no matter how religious you might be, you are still going to end up broiling in hell for eternity. This will probably happen anyway, but that’s kinda a shitty spoiler, right?

Pokemon Black

Let’s for a moment assume that you grew up on Pokemon. Something that you have cherished for years, as a beloved childhood memory. And then you read this. There’s something about taking something familiar and putting a twist on it that really needles into your skin. Basically, the author states that he found a copy of the game that turned out to be very different from the rest of the Pokemon games. Hey, we like twisted. But not the kind of twisted that comes in this particular cartridge. There would certainly be a strongly worded letter to Nintendo involved, that’s for sure.

This version of Pokemon comes complete with a new playable character and an evil curse that will most likely destroy you and everyone else it comes in contact with. Much like most Sonic sequels, only the curse is less disappointment that you just wasted money, and more deathy deathy killed death.

Normal porn for normal people

The premise of this one concerns a found website that is apparently hosting very strange videos. They seem to range from the mundane to what appears to be torture and snuff. But, they do include a chimp. Chimps are fun, right? Who could ever be mad at a chimp? They’re just like us! Only they can rip your limbs off and sodomise you if you want. Ok, so that’s a point against them.

This pasta just kind of works on several levels…one of which being how on the level the author is being. It very much appears like it could be real, which, if true…means there is one more site on the internet you can’t un-see. And yes, there is a website as well, which has the mission statement that they are “dedicated to the eradication of abnormal sexuality”. We here at Geemazu have the opposite mission, because we know that typing with calluses is awkward.

Candle Cove

Candle Cove is, according to this pasta, a children’s television show that aired sometime in the early 70’s. If you were to slip this pasta into a thread on a forum, you would most likely scare the hell out of a few people. Not because the pasta is super scary in itself. It’s the slow burn factor that truly makes the end memorable. The sign of a good pasta is that it’s short, and leaves questions that become even more terrifying when the reader is left to imagine it for themselves. However, one could argue that if you are spending your time searching for creepy shit on the internet, you are already broken to some extent. Normal things no longer thrill you. You want danger. Danger with evil puppets. If, however, you are new to creepy pastas, we hope this serves as a good jumping on point for you. However, you will most likely become a broken individual. Sorry. Here’s this:

You’ll thank us later.

Honourable mentions:

There’s many, many more that weren’t included here, so here’s a short list.

  • Tulpa
  • Room
  • Alter-net
  • Ben Drowned
  • The Rake
  • Snuff Film
  • Squidward’s Suicide
  • Lavener Town Syndrome

And of course the outstanding SCP-Wiki.net, which may not technically be creepy pasta, but still well worth checking out.

We would like to thank the following for their help and suggestions with the making of this article: From r/creepypasta at Reddit.com; Brienbear, NarwhalAnusrape, Micahtw9, Poueff, Wynaut, and  MalignantAmour. Thanks guys, you were a tremendous help!

Posted in: Creepy Stuff, Lists